The 4th annual Lez Ball

or ‘wasted days and wasted nights’

A flurry of preparation always precedes the Lez Ball as a number of important questions must be answered; how shall I best accessorise my frock? Which shade of synthetic blonde wig best matches my complexion? High gloss or matte lippy? Fishnets or skin-toned pantyhose? Red bands or slippers? And most crucially, where did I leave my mustache?

**Myrtle Raqueeno putting the luminous back in voluminous.**

Co-host Myrtle Raqueeno this year opted for a Marilyn blonde wig, over-sized fluorescent glasses, and slippers to match her flounced and frilled lolly-pink maxi frock. This outfit combination would have attracted admiring glances at Fashion Week, I have no doubt.

**Myrtle Raqueeno in 2023, all class in an LBD with pearl and headband accessories, and signature slippers.**

**David as Dr. Death inadvertently a companion piece to Simone’s horrid nurse, below.**

**Simone as twisted sister ‘Elle Driver’.**

Simone opted to accessorise with ‘dragged through a muehlenbeckia shrub backwards’ wig, eye patch, and skin tone pantyhose. Simone generally opts for ‘frightful slapper’ as a muse and this year was no exception.

**Simone’s ‘frightful slappper’ Goth Girl from 2023**

**John Beasley with impressed dog and come hither look, phoning in from the mainland, in sequins.**

Such was John Beasley’s disappointment at not being able to attend the Lez Ball in person that he dressed in his best sequinned frock at home in order to participate vicariously! (well, that’s his story, at any rate…)

**Tom, on FIRE.** **Sensible black tights and a red straw hat finish off this understated outfit.**

It’s hard to stand out as a true bloke on an island where redbands are a wardrobe staple for all the genders, but the ladies did not shirk..

**Kate, giving off ‘young shark at the pool hall’ vibes.**

**Lyndsey, a swashbuckler in her best sensible shirt.**

**Tobi and Carol, probably debating redbands V slippers, or fishnets V pantyhose.**

Every year Lez makes a trophy for the best dressed, and this this year it was ME! I won with my tasteful impersonation of Phil Lynott, the greatest Irish rock star that ever lived. This Boy was Back in Town. I’m not gunna lie, I may have won under false pretenses, as Lez mistook me for Freddy Fender, who he has a harmless predilection for. No harm done, and Lez was chuffed.