…also wishes to be known as ‘Billie the Wonder Dog’, and ‘Captain Puppy’…
BtD – (races out, bark-howling) You startled me!
Me -Billie the Dog! How the very devil are you?
BtD – (stares at me with mad dog eyes and scritches thoughtfully under her left armpit with her left back foot) Can’t complain, can’t complain. Summer was pretty busy, but it’s quietening down a bit now.
Me – Would you care to expand on that?
BtD – There are a lot of expectations on me over summer; I’ve got to be patrolling down at the beaches, rounding up any swimmers who exceed the 5 metre zone, hauling buoys around down at Sandy Bay, rounding up black back gulls, and I’m expected to jump off the wharf, repeatedly. I also have to ride around on the back of ATVs, bark-howling. It’s pretty exhausting, but it’s what the fans want.
Most of my fans won’t be back till Labour Weekend, so I can spend a bit of time in front of the fire working on tricks for next summer.
Me – Ye-e-e-e-s, I’ve noticed you’re pretty popular with certain age groups; I was sitting in the back of the Josh-mobile with you once and a bunch of kids walked past. I said “Hi kids!”, in a bright cheerful voice, and received a dull grunt of “Hi” in response till they saw you, at which point they all excitedly chimed “Hi Billie!!!”. You just pointedly ignored them. What is that about? Why can’t I get that kind of adoration?
BtD – (smirks) Well, let me ask you this; how many times would you be prepared to jump off the wharf wearing nothing but a fur coat and a winning smile?
Me – ………
BtD- Whilst emitting a high-pitched yelp??
Me – Okay, point taken. No-one would want to see that.
(At this point there is a long awkward silence, only broken by the sound of BtD making a submerged noise as she chews on her under-carriage)
Me – How have you been keeping busy lately?
BtD – Ha! Interesting you should ask. I scaled a couple of vertical cliffs yesterday, and scared the living bejeezus out of a snorkeller down at Woody Bay. I just followed him into the water while he wasn’t looking, and then appeared suddenly in front of his mask when he was least expecting it. Do you know how hilarious it sounds when a human tries to scream through a snorkel?
I think he thought I was a bearded shark. It would only be funnier if someone made me a shark fin costume!
Aside from that there are still a lot of bidibids about, so I like racing through the annual weeds to see just how many prickly seeds I can collect in my fur coat. It gives Josh something to do at night.
Me – Okay. Very good. Ummm, maybe just a few technical questions then; what exactly is your breed, and what is your top land speed? It’s been noted that you are quite fast. (smiles winningly, trying to get interview back on track)
BtD – I’m some class of excellent working dog, hence my propensity to round up humans like the silly sheep they are. I have a magnificent beard. You figure it out. I don’t know my top speed but it’s probably about 40kms an hour. I should challenge Wim to a race!
Me – That’s a very interesting idea. You’re extremely photogenic, are you happy with this picture as a feature image?
BtD – Oh yes. You’ve captured all of my best sides.
Me – Great! Well, thanks for your time. I’ve brought you this bone as a gift, to show my appreciation.
(silence, marked by crunching sounds)
Author: lisa
Part-time Rakino-ite; mainly Auckland-based. I like writing stuff and making things.
I know Billie pretty well, we’ve known each other since she first arrived on Rakinos.
I was amazed how well she accepted my idiosyncrasies, yeah I get it, I’m an odd ball raving on about biosphere collapse etc but she’s never held it against me. 😉
She’s a very forgiving girl. 🙂
We met her the first night she spent on Rakino as a little pup.
She crashed out on the axminster.